Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Motivation

I'm gonna be brutally honest right now. I'm not complaining. I'm not whining. I'm just stating a fact.

I feel like absolute shit right now.

I'm tired. I'm sore. My feet hurt. I'm having a tough time keeping my droopy left eyelid up because I'm sleepy. It takes energy just to breathe. I'm having a difficult time walking in a straight line, and I've been tripping over things and walking into furniture.

Why do I feel this way? I'm 5 weeks out from the most important show I'll have ever done. In order to make sure I'm on track to bring my best conditioning to the stage, we made some changes to my diet this week. Yes, I feel this way voluntarily. Crazy, I know.

Why in the world would anyone voluntarily put themselves through this kind of hell?! Because I want to win. Simple as that. I want to stand on stage with Arnold, my hands raised in the air, my Overall trophy at my feet. I want to know that I worked my hardest. That I gave everything I had, and then I pushed further. I don't want to have any doubts that I "could've" or "should've" worked harder. When I'm standing on that Arnold stage, I want to be 100% confident that I look the best I ever have in my life, and to feel like I DESERVE to be standing next to the greatest bodybuilder of all time.

When I'm stumbling on the treadmill, desperately trying not to fall off ...
When I'm pushing the pedals of the bike, climbing the hill ...
When I'm heating up yet another meal in the microwave at work ...
When I walk right past the bakery aisle in the grocery store without stopping ...
When I run up the escalator at the Metro just to squeeze in a little extra cardio for the day ...
When I practice posing until my calves cramp and my lower back aches ...

I picture my competitors. I imagine them working harder than I am. I imagine standing next to them on stage. I imagine them getting up earlier in the morning.

And I find a little extra strength. A little extra motivation. A little extra surge of adrenaline. And I push just a little harder. Because I want to know that I pushed myself past my natural boundaries, and I did my damnedest to win that Overall title.

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