Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Temptation

It's all around me ... taunting me, teasing me, laughing in my face, wafting under my nose ... TEMPTATION in the form of food!

Up until a couple days ago, I wasn't bothered by the sights or odors of food that I can't have. I could watch that TGI Friday's commercial over and over again (and I did, cuz they kept replaying it during evening cardio), and not be bothered. I could stand next to the lady in the kitchen at work and watch her slather butter on her cinnamon raisin bread, and then calmly put my turkey and broccoli in the microwave. I could walk by the bakery section in the grocery store and not stop to sniff every delectable treat on the shelf.

But now things are changing ... I only have a little more than a week to go, and the cravings and temptations are starting to get to me. Don't get me wrong - I still love the food I'm eating, and I'm not sick of it yet (yes, I'm being honest!). However, since I only have a couple more days left, I find myself looking forward to the food I can eat after the show. And that's totally NOT the mindset I want to have.

That's the mindset I had in past years when I binged so badly I got very sick, bloated, and FAT in a short amount of time. I was disgusted with myself. This year, I've committed myself to sticking to my diet and training because I LIKE looking and feeling good. I'll eat for a day or two and then I'll be right back on my diet, getting ready for the next show.

When Jerry and I were at Safeway the other day, though, I casually sauntered through the bakery section. I leaned over and sniffed fresh oatmeal cookies ... scrumptious cream cheese coffee cake (yes, it exists), and then opened the donut cabinet and took a big sniff of all the sugary sweetness on the shelves. Then I shut the door, and walked over to put another carton of eggs in the cart. That behavior may seem odd to people who don't compete, but I've heard stories of other girls doing something similar. It didn't bother me all that much that day, but just the fact that I DID walk into the bakery section indicates that my mind is shifting slightly.

Today when I heard a lady talking about Girl Scout cookies, my heart started to pound, and I walked over to her and promptly ordered 3 boxes. That may not seem like a lot, but I already had 19 boxes on order with someone else! Yes, 19 boxes. And yes, I do eat them throughout the year. I like knowing that if I want a GS cookie in October, I can have one.

So now there are 2 boxes of Thank U Berry Much, and 1 box of Dulce de Leche cookies in my work bag. Just sitting there, unopened. I want one cookie. Just one. But I won't have one. Those boxes will come home with me and will be placed on my Food Shelf with all the other Forbidden Foods. But just the fact that I bought more boxes is another indication of my mindset.

I literally drooled when I smelled the buttered popcorn someone made in the kitchen. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I stuck my head inside the microwave before heating up my turkey just to inhale the popcorn smell and imagine how it'd taste.

There's a thread on one of the forums I belong to that discusses food we used to eat when we were younger. I contributed my part and started reading the rest of the thread, but then started getting really hungry. And I could feel my mind start to want those foods instead of automatically rejecting them. I haven't been back to that thread again.

There's something about being on a diet and not being able to have the food that causes this insane desire to want it more. Off-season, I wouldn't even eat this stuff! I don't eat cereal or popcorn normally. If I'm offered it, I usually turn it down. But now that I know I can't have it, I want it. Go figure.

Only 9 more days ... I can do this. I WILL do this! There's no way I'll give in to any of my cravings or the temptations around me. No way in hell. And I'll try my hardest to remain focused on my goal and to not think about food to eat after the show. That's not the most important thing right now. Right now, my focus is on training hard and coming into the show in my best condition ever!

1 comment:

  1. I love your blog! I will definitely be revisiting these posts when I am training for my next show! I am the one who gave in to temptation....I caved due to over obsessing about foods I normally could care less about! You are so strong and that is why you will be standing on stage at the Arnold show !! Thank you for being so honest in your blogs!!

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