Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Voluntary Struggle

I can finally access my blog at work again! All due to the fact that I got a new job, and the atmosphere here is a lot more relaxed. I like the relaxed atmosphere, but at the same time, I'm a bit disappointed that now I won't have an excuse to go out and buy some cute work clothes. Oh well; guess I'll save some money for my upcoming competitions.

Speaking of competitions ... I'm definitely making progress. I know this not only by looking at my progress pics, but also from the fact that I feel terrible!! :( This is nothing to feel sorry me about because it's actually a GOOD thing. Yep, that's what I said. Feeling like crap is a good thing in this sport. Seems like the worse you feel, the better you do. So backwards!

I've been feeling awful the last couple days. We discovered a diet trick that works for me, and since we implemented that, I've been getting noticeably leaner each day. It's so exciting to see changes in my body every day! Looking in the mirror and discovering a new line or vein is so motivating.

And speaking of veins ... Monday was a victory because I finally saw my forearm and bicep veins! I'm not very vascular, so whenever I see veins, I get excited. It means I'm getting LEAN!! I kept walking around the gym with my arm out and a huge smile on my face. Only my boyfriend knew what I was smiling at; I'm sure I looked like a complete moron. LOL

We took progress pics again on Saturday after cardio. We decided to try a new location with lighting more similar to the stage. I'm 110 lbs in the pics and very depleted. I have about 8-10 lbs more to drop, and 4 weeks to do it. Yipes!

This week was also the start of double sessions of cardio. With the start of the new job, I now have time to do cardio in the mornings. This is a VERY good thing, as I was desperately struggling through cardio last week. My energy is completely gone in the evenings, and by the time I even got to the gym, I was drained. I was concerned that my lack of energy and inability to push myself hard during cardio would start negatively impacting my prep. Today was the 5th day in a row that I did cardio in the morning, and what a difference! I struggled a lot today, but the time seemed to fly by on the other days! I get to leave the gym before 10 pm, and actually look forward to training again! I can't even express how much of a drain cardio was after my workout. I'd just dread it. I'm still doing some cardio after my workout, but it's a short amount of time, and compared to the long session, it's a piece of cake!

I hope I feel better tomorrow. Last night I found myself stumbling around the house, dropping things, and forgetting what I was talking about in the middle of sentences. I stood in front of my closet for 5 minutes, trying to pick out dress clothes, and couldn't even focus. Jerry kept reaching for me, thinking I'd fall over when I'd be standing in front of him. This morning I must've stopped about 10 times during cardio because I just couldn't keep going without stumbling. I finally made it through, and when I got to work, I just sat in my chair and stared blankly at my computer. I've taken a couple stims since then, and I'm much more functional right now (thank goodness!). Tomorrow brings some changes to my diet, so hopefully that will be the trick to getting me through the rest of the week.

No one ever said making progress was easy. It's a struggle every day. But it's a struggle I choose to endure because every little bit gets me one step closer to my goal. I'm not complaining. I'm not whining. I'm just pushing forward, giving everything I can to pursue my dreams.

1 comment:

  1. Great progress!!!

    I am so looking forward to the day when i have an arm vein! LOL!

    Just a few more weeks!!!

    I didn't realize you were a shorty like me ;)

    Keep are almost there!!!!

    I am going to the Arnold...not sure yet if i will be there for prejudging though.