Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Changing Shape

As I was picking out today's work clothes last night, I started to think once again about my attitude toward clothes and my body size. I was looking at my collection of dress pants, which range in size from 0 to 6. That means, I have at least 1 pair of dress pants in size 0, 2, 3, 4, 5, & 6. All of these pants have fit me at one point within the past 5 years. At my height, those sizes represent a 20 lb weight range.

Currently, I'm leaner than I've ever been (besides the 8 times I've stood on stage). The weight I'm maintaining is less than what I weighed in college, yet my clothes are bigger. What the heck?! The difference is the muscle mass that I've built up, which has completely changed my body shape.

The other night I tried to fit into a size Small Adidas tank top. I couldn't get it past my delts. Then I tried to fit into a Small Under Armour sports bra. Same issue. The next day, I tried to fit into a Small slip from Target. Same issue. Awhile back, I tried to squeeze into a pair of size 5 shorts from Wet Seal. I couldn't get them past my knees. Then I tried a pair of size 5 skinny jeans. Same issue.

After those experiences, I have to admit I was disheartened. I weigh 105 lbs, and I can't fit into a size Small?! Or a size 5?! Who are these companies making clothes for?! When I was in college and weighed 105 lbs, I wore XS tops and size 0 jeans and shorts. I also had a lot less muscle.

I've written about this topic a couple times, and I'm still trying to come to terms with my shape and size. The dress pants I'm wearing today were once my "Fat Pants." Now they're my "Skinny Pants." I remember the day I bought them. I'd been seriously training legs for a couple months and couldn't fit into my size 3 pants anymore, so I went to The Limited and bought a pair of size 0 dress pants. Yes, a womens' size 0 (not to be confused with a Juniors' size 0, which is waaaaaay smaller) was my "Fat" size. That purchase started my journey into serious training and re-shaping my body.

I'm still trying to be comfortable with the fact that my lats (which I love love love!) make it impossible for me to fit into smaller size tops. And the fact that my quads (which I also love!) can't squeeze into Skinny Jeans.

I'm still  learning to love the shape of my body to be less critical of it. Yes, my shape has changed, but I've built it that way. My body represents years of hard work, dedication, sweat, tears (literally), and heavy weights. And as a result, I've built a strong, healthy body. I'm continuing to push past my natural limits and even further change my body, because the changes represent something I enjoy. Something I'm passionate about.

So who cares if I can't wear a Small Adidas tank top? The Medium fits great, and shows off my lats. A larger size does NOT equal more fat. It equals hard work and heavy weights. And that makes me prouder than anything!

1 comment:

  1. So so true! All of it! It's hard to get past the number on the tag sometimes but when you look at it as you have described...as something that represents hard work, dedication....it makes slipping into that medium just a little easier!

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