Friday, April 23, 2010

COOKIES and Off Season Choices

Archive entry. Originally posted June 2009 after Jr. Nationals

I've officially entered my "Off Season" ... and am now facing a whole different set of challenges than I faced during contest prep. My plan is to stay almost in contest shape - within 5 lbs of my stage weight. Why? Because I like how I look and I feel good! Simple as that. I'm amazed to discover, however, how baffling this concept is to almost everyone around me!

Yesterday afternoon I was in the kitchen heating up Meal 2 while chatting with one of my co-workers. She asked how the show went, if I got to eat some cookies afterward, and if I'm excited about "getting to eat now." Getting to eat ... that implies that I DON'T get to eat during contest prep. So if I'm not eating, what do you call the things I eat 5 times a day? Tongue out I informed her that I ate a ton of cookies and carbs for two days after the show, and then I felt really sick. My reflux kicked in and I ended up throwing up for 4 days. NOT FUN!! So I'm back on a clean diet, feeling good, and looking good. She got a puzzled look on her face and exclaimed, "Oh NO! Why are you back on that diet again?! That's terrible!" WHAT?! How is feeling good, not throwing up, and being happy a terrible thing?? Does she really want me to be sick and fat??

Last night as I was leaving the gym, I ran into another co-worker who also asked if I'm now eating lots of cookies (hmmm ... does there seem to be a trend with me and cookies? LOL). I said, yeah, I ate some for a couple days, got sick, and now I'm back on my diet. He looked at me (puzzled also), and said, "So you're not gonna eat cookies and get fat?!" Um, NO!! I glared and him and said, "Why would I want to get fat?? I like how I look so why not stay this way?" He just shrugged.

These are just a couple examples of what I've been facing every day since I got back from the show. People keep asking me if I "get to eat now" and if I'm eating whatever I want. Why yes, I AM eating whatever I want! It just happens to be very similar to my contest diet. LOL All the other years after a show, I'd eat junk, and then I'd be mad at myself, hate how I looked, and slide into a slight depression because of it.
Well this year is going to be different! Why put myself through that misery just for the satisfaction of eating something yummy for 1 minute? It's SO not worth it! Plus, I have a goal! I want to turn Pro. And I want to make a name for myself in the fitness industry. I can't do that while looking like an overweight, bloated cow (which is how I've looked every summer for the past 3 years :( ).

Am I struggling a bit with this new concept? Yes, I definitely am! It's a whole new outlook for me. I don't have any problems staying on a strict contest diet because I have a goal of standing on stage, and I refuse to be the Fat Girl on stage. Foods that would normally tempt me aren't a problem to resist because in my mind, they're not Options. Off-season, however, everything becomes an Option to me. And therein lies the struggle. I need to consciously decide NOT to eat the foods now, whereas during prep, it wasn't even a decision - not an Option. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I slipped up really badly yesterday. I had a few bites of a donut, a HUGE handful of M&M's at work, and a bunch of cookies last night. I'm extremely disappointed in myself, and I noticed my body is smoother today, which is not at all how I want to look! Eating those foods are NOT going to help me reach my goal!

So after I confessed to Jerry this morning (which was really difficult, honestly, because I feel like I not only let myself down, I let him down as well), I got my head screwed on straight again. There's a BBQ at work starting in about 15 min, and there will be root beer floats - one of my favorites. But I turned them down two weeks ago, and I know I can turn them down again. I just need to keep reminding myself that the BBQ food isn't an Option. I don't eat those kinds of foods. And I'm a National Level Figure competitor who's working hard to turn Pro, which means I need to be in training mode year round, keeping my goal at the forefront of my mind, and living my own lifestyle, despite tempting foods and negative comments from others who don't understand.

Jerry had a good point about the interactions I mentioned earlier ... people don't understand why I choose this lifestyle, why I eat certain food at certain times. And that's ok! Because I don't understand why they go out drinking every weekend, polluting their bodies with empty calories and alcohol. And I don't understand why my co-workers swarm around free food like they're starving children in a third world country (which they are clearly not!). So why should I let their negativity affect me when it's clear we just don't understand each other's lifestyle choices?

So I'm going to head over to the BBQ to be social. But I'll head over AFTER I eat Meal 2 so I'll be full and less tempted to cheat on the diet. Although people here don't understand me and my choices, I know I've got people online who know what it's like.

1 comment:

  1. I'll be hunting this post down in 4 weeks :)

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