Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Uncharted Territory

“The only thing constant in life is change.”
~ Fran├žois de la Rochefoucauld

I debated writing this blog, but then decided that since I am a writer at heart, I need to express my feelings in writing sometimes in order to see things clearly.

I've been wrestling with some thoughts the past few days ... and some odd feelings I have about those thoughts.

Feeling good is bad?!

In my last update, I briefly mentioned some changes to my diet and training program. In essence, those changes have actually made my prep easier instead of harder. And that scares me! I've never had an "easy" prep before; I've always scrambled at the last minute to get lean enough or tight enough to look halfway decent on stage. Some years I've pulled it off, some years I haven't.

I'm used to feeling tired, drained, exhausted, crabby, hungry, and utterly depleted during prep. I'm used to doing up to 2 hours of cardio a day on a reduced calorie diet. I'm used to taking copious amounts of caffeine just to get through the day. I'm used to sitting in my car outside the gym, crying while trying to muster up the energy to just step through the gym doors.

This year, I'm experiencing NONE of those things! Granted, my energy levels are reduced compared to off-season, but they're nowhere near as low as they've been in the past.

To sum up ... I feel good most of the time, I'm not doing a ton of cardio, I'm not taking a ton of caffeine, and I have energy during my workouts.

So what in the world is the problem?!

The problem is, prep seems TOO good this year. And thanks to my ever-present Catholic guilt ...
  • I feel guilty for not feeling like crap. (I know - it doesn't make any sense.)
  • I feel guilty that other competitors are feeling like crap right now and I'm not.
  • I'm worried that I'll become complacent with my training and diet and somehow go backward instead of forward.
  • I'm freaked out because this prep is completely uncharted territory for me.

Let me be the first in line to slap me upside the head and shout, "Suck it up, Princess!"

I feel silly and stupid for even having these thoughts. And I feel even stupider for actually publicly admitting them and writing about them. But like I said, I'm a writer, and this is what I do.

I need to remember something that I've told a lot of people: every prep is different. This prep is so completely different than any of my other preps in the past six years! I need to relax and just enjoy the experience.

J's reminder to me last night was the most helpful: I've been prepping for Team Universe for a year. A WHOLE YEAR.

My diet and training have all been geared toward shaping my body and muscles into a Pro card-worthy physique. I've eaten ground turkey every. single. day since last February. I've changed my whole training program to focus solely on areas that needed the most improvement. I'm doing exercises I despise. I'm doing rep schemes that leave me wheezing and gasping for breath after each set. I did cardio every. single. day in my off-season.

My whole life this past year has been focused on this one show.

So just because I don't feel like complete crap, I'm not starving all the time, and I'm not living at the gym doesn't mean that I haven't worked hard to get to this point. I need to appreciate all that I've accomplished this past year and focus on just doing what I need to do. I have complete confidence in J and know that he'll bring me in to the show in my best shape yet!


  1. I'd say that is a pro-card worhty life! To dedicate yourself for a full year?! Incredible!!! Can't wait to see what happens!!!!!!!!!! :)

  2. Here's some MN guilt thrown in for you: I'm sorry you're feeling like you aren't working hard enough :) you're gonna win fo 'sho!

  3. I also want to mention that YOU have been doing prep for 6 an on of course, but you've sculpted your body so well that i'm not surprised that you body is adjusting.
    It would not be odd to me to find that other competitors your age that have been going as long as you (or longer) have alot easier preps than when they first started. Just think..i'm struggling NOW..but it's my first show. my body is not used to any of these strict rules of prepping. Yours is. dont feel bad about feeling bad..its who you are..but it also means that you understand HARD WORK..and you are the type of person that will appreciate what hard work has given you. ENJOY LADY :) Its deserved :) :)

  4. I just want to say that I am super proud of you. :)

  5. I've been debating on writing a similar post. While i am still busting my butt, it's really hard to hear that other people prepping for my same show are donig hours of cardio, dont remember what oatmeal tastes like and are MISERABLE when I feel SO good.

    It's tough, but you've earned it, enjoy and kick butt!